I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She announced her abortion via fbk
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
