so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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