My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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