Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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