jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
