i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
