dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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