Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
