i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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