Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
