We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
