At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
