The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Im part way to drunk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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