The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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