Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
