So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
