I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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