I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
