when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
