I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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