woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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