i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
