A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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