id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
