just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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