he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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