Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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