Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
