dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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