apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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