Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
