That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
