The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My vagina is very pro this idea
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
