Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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