I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
