We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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