I could have mohawked her pubes.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
