well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
