Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
