just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
