Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
