trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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