i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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