Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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