Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up