I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle