Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
