so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.