do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
