i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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