I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
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