omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm too high and old for this...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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