So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
