Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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