how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
