What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
