she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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