You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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