I can tuck mytits in my pants
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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