On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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