two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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