I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
