Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
