Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
