omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
