drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize