I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
