Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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