At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
