you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
