I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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