About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
