i think i have herpe
just one?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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