You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
