Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
