Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
