there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
