i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
