The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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