Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
