I can text with my tongue
i think i have two assholes
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
