Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
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He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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