yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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