I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
