She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
