you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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