You work out of a Hotel?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
