is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
